It's been a while since I have posted any blog, and this one is going to be brief as well. In last few months Life threw a lot of challenges, faced lot of rejections, still fighting for my share of Peace.

Started meditating since yesterday, I today had great thoughts while meditating and thought of writing it down. As I closed my eyes, I decided not to follow the orthodox way of relaxing the body parts one by one but rather just relax. Once again the thought of whether to focus, as lot of people suggest for  focused energy, or not to focus, as I believe focus also distract the intent of going humanfree.

A thought strikes my mind, on the line of thought that I realized that I am awareness, that I need to be without awareness. Moreover, as I write, I think I can also think of what's beyond awareness. Thus, I try to be not aware of anything.

I got lost and after a while, I found myself feeling the outer shell, i.e. my bones, blood, skin as if I am inside this body and observing it from there. The "I" in "Me".

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Dedicated to all Smokers:
"Main Zindagi ka bara shoukh rakhta hun,
Apni jebon mein bhar ke maut rakhta hun,
mere aaine mein ab mujhsa kuch dikhta nahi,
khud hi khud se, do kush door rehta hun"

It has been a while, I tried many times, but just could not return to the same level of meditation that I used to attain a year back. I thought the recent failures in my life has slowed down my awakening and I am never gonna reach that place again with this negativity in me.

Frustrated from this tough phase of my life, I decided to get very positive, believe in myself, no matter what. I started my journey again with visualization and affirmations, most importantly SELF BELIEVE. I slept visualizing, and woke up with gratitude. After the breakfast, I could not resist myself from meditation. As I started studying for my exam, I felt a compulsion to meditate and I closed my eyes, but this time with no purpose, only to surrender. I closed my eyes and initially forced myself not to focus on seeing, hearing, or smelling anything. I am well aware that I possess a very powerful mind, which is designed to get me to my objective at any cost, and that it will try to find an easier path to make me feel I am done. I know my mind can play tricks with me, give me some pictures to distract or a feeling of deep meditation just to make me feel content. Thus, I sat there with no agenda, no intention to learn or experience, but rather just to surrender myself.

 Slowly, I felt I am back! I felt I am on a similar place, somewhere I used to be when I used to meditate deep. I then realized how this character known as Manish has grown up before me. I realized there is no one who has seen “Manish” more closely than me. I could disassociate myself from “Manish” and remember how I have witnessed him growing. Once I was not him, I started looking at what was left, “I”, and the more I realized this, the more I could see “I” getting dissolved. Gradually I could feel “I” getting completely dissolved or should I say nowhere to be found. I could feel that actually I was nowhere, may be not exist, but certainly not there anywhere to be found. It was all so peaceful; it’s here, where everything is, including me, it’s nowhere.

After a long delay, I again want to touch few points on what is called spirituality, a name given to identify trance experiences. i do not believe its the spirit or body/ mind what I am , I believe I am nothingness. Many so called enlightened beings made me believe that I am inside my body, thus I tried to find myself inside my body. I started with my toe, moved up through my leg to my hips to my back to my abs and I just could not find myself, all I could sense was that its a part of me, but definitely not me. I then moved to my heart and then the three areas where I felt i might be there, that are my heart, my face, and my brain.

I realized face because that the place where we have most of the senses placed cumulatively and thus we generally associate ourselves with our faces. So I eliminated face on the basis of doubt that it might be illusion caused by senses, and I cannot be just a bundle of senses or illusion. The possibilities left were the heart or the brain. Now this is really close as there are chances that I can be at both the places partially.

One of the ways to take off the brain option is the fact that I started as a heart in my mother's womb, and I believe I will be there with my first sign of existence on earth. So I came down to heart, but if I am heart then I should be able to live without any support or assistance, but its not true in case of heart. So where am I, who am I?

Today, I realized in the middle of Dhyana, that in the same way as a sparkle cannot find light, a rain drop cannot find where and what is wetness, so is the case with me, I cannot look back at myself and say Ohkk...there I am!! I found myself this is me!!

I lie down and look at my feet, and I realize just because in this human form I have senses running to the tip of my feet, I associate my identity till that point. If for a moment i can believe I am more than senses, as they are illusions, I know I more than my body but I am everywhere, connected.

I then try to move the finger of my feet, just before I move the finger I stop and feel the signal. I move slowly and stop, again make a wish to bend it further but just before bending it further, I stop again, here I feel the signal again. Wow, its the most beautiful creation, my body, so close to me that I gave it the possibility of my personification.

i believe that everything is one, see the structure of world its round, the clock, the galaxy, everything starts and ends at the same point, even the sign of infinity. See the power of round, which we love the most, that we use it in so many things such as tyres.

"Kadam fir barh chale, jahan main aur deewarein rehti hain,
Khamosh andheron se itni ki mohabbat
sanse bhi ab bematlab, betuki si lagti hain...."

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"ye dekhkar aapko, yun lagta hai
na jaane, kahan barbaad kar aaye, ab tak umra apni"

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"Bari muddaton ki neend tooti hai..
sach batao aapki hansi ya Frooti hai"
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gaalon pe haya, aankhon mein nasha, saanson ki tapish,
mere badan se aati teri khushboo,
mujhe yakeen hai ye maut hai
Zindagi kabhi... itni meharbaan na thi...
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If you walk looking ack..U r bound to fall sooner or later
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imagine is ur giving and u ll rcv in real world
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thr is lack of love and no other lack
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mydreams shape my reality
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humari peeth per khanjar ka nishaan,
husnawalon ne taofa bhi kya khoob likkha hai,
Samajhe na wo.. shoukh hota hai kya
ki humne sina abhi mehfooz rakha hai...

================================================
tanhai ki aadat kuch aisi lagi,
ki aaina bhi ab gair sa hai lagne laga,
itne door gaye tum ki
 meri parchaain ka ilm ab mujhe hone laga..


dar ye nahi humein dafnayega kaun,
ab to khuda
=======================================
yakin kaise karun ki tu haqeqat hai..
ki itne hasin to mere khwaab bhi na they
============================================
Kyon pila di itni , jitni ki main peeta gaya
Agar tu nahi zindagi, to main ye kya jeeta gaya …
Jisne paana na samjha, wahi khona sikha gaya…
Kal Dusron pe hanste they/ko hasna sikhate they , khud pe rona aa gaya..
Ruswaaeiyan kam hoti thi magar,
ye zindagi humein tera chehra dikha gaya

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ae kash ki main shayar hota,
teri muskurahat pe rmin gazal likhta,
bheegi shaam si hain aankhen tumhaari,
tere chehre ko main subah kehta,
zindagi, bematlab, tanha na guzarti,
tere hsna ka ik jo sahara hota..
ae kash ki main shayar hota....
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tera intezaar ya meri zindagi
ye dekhna hai maut pehle kisko aayegi
itni mohabbat ki hai khwabon se maine
ye dekhna hai haqiqat tujhe cheen kaise payegi
====================================================
gar tum mujhse kuch kahoge nahi,
to sab kuch bataoge kaise,

Hun jaanta, dil samajht ahai lekin,
jo ab nahi tera, usse samjhaoge kaise,

hai teri haya tujhse khoobsurat, gar,
itna husna tum chupaoge kaise,,

khwabon mein tere paas hun lekin,
haqiat mein mere bahon ka nasha tum paoge kaise...

intezaar pehla manzar hai ishq ka.
hai ishq mujhse ye bataoge kaise..
iqraar--ishq kar page kaise...???

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create a dream: Brahma
preserve it: preserver vishnu
destroy all ills and troubles: destroyer shiva
amalgam is equal to shanti
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sleep like a baby" cause a baby forgets his past the moment he finds a better present, which may be just a sound
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god wants to speak to u...but how wen u so busy talking to urself
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everythn is abt feel...ur skin, ur senses everythn
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your feelings are your GOD and soul is your temple--Chanakya
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you cannot dream wat u cannot achv
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na maloom koi itne paas aata bhi hai,
ae khuda ye chand to sharmaata bhi hai...
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YOU are What my Dreams look like in reality:)
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Tum puchte rahe aaeine se apne Husna ka haal,
Ae kash jawab in aankhon mein bhi dhoonda hota...

Subah teri neend mein doobi aankhein,
hothon pe shararat bhari shaam,
mere sine pe wo tere kaate ka nishan,
in bahon mein kaid, teri khushboo aaj bhi hai.....

aarzoo hai ya shiqyat, ilm nahi gar,
tera intezar ya meri zindagi,
ye dekhna hai maut pehle kisko aayegi.....
-----Manish Kumar :
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main jab bhi kehta,
tum nahi ho....

ye hawa chu ke mujhe, mere seene se lag jaati,
Tum ho..
ye baarish ki boonden, labhon pe tharkar
kehti hai kuch,
Tum ho...
ye tere zikra pe dil ki besudh dastakein,
main sunta hun,
Tum ho...
ye aasoon mere aur meri muskurahat,
mehsus jo kar lun agar to,
vahin tum ho...
Yakin hai Tum ho...
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teri bheerh mein pukara tujhe tune suna to hoga,.
baatein karte hain kai tujhse, mere yaar tu kitna tanha hoga,
chuna chahte hain sabhi tujhe, tujhe chubhta to hoga,
in aakhon ne bhi ki sharartein, tujhe pata to hoga...

likhta hun to sonchta hun, nazmon mein mere, tu rehta to hoga,
is zindagi ke registaan mein, pyaasa tu bhi to hoga,
dhundhla sahi, bhale unchaha, mera intezaar rehta to hoga,
ek lamha aur de khuda, ye mera khwaab, mera haqiqat to hoga...
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jindagi kaise karoon tera shukriya,
meri baahon mein uljha khuda mil gaya
maut intezaar kar abhi aur mera,
mujhe tujhse kahin hasin, mera kaatil mil gaya....
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Ae khuda itni to riyayat kar,
un aankhon ko intezaar de mera...
===============================================================
jaane tu kaun sa dard hai dil mein,
kyun mujhe itne yaad aate ho,
dub gaya hun apne aasuon mein,
tum fir bhi rula jate ho...

tanhai ki aadat kuch aisi hai lagi
ki aaina bhi hai, ab gair sa lagne laga..
ae khuda itni to ryayat kar mujhpar,
de un aankhon ko kabhi intezaar mera
============================================
zindagi ki gari kuch is tarah bhaagi,
apne saikal ki tayar mein hum hawa hi bharte reh gaye...
================================

na jaane tu sach hai ya dhokha hai..
wo chaand mein daag nahi ..
actually humne khakhaar ke zor se thooka hai...
============================
tanhaai ki aadat kuch aisi hai lagi...
ki aaina bhi hai.. ab gair sa lagne laga...
mere khuda itni to riyayat kar mujhpar...
un aakhon ko bhi ...de kabhi intezaar mera...
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Brain and Heart are just organs/circuitary controlled by Mind, your individual conciousness.
Now Heart talks in terms of intution, love, inspiration etc; whereas Brain understands Logic, science
=========================
Shaam ke dhalte saaye mein, tere chehre se raushni baaki hai,
mere tootate khwabon ke gharonde, ko tere palkon ka sahara kaafi hai...

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THANK YOU
Thank you TODAY,
for you have come, so I am,
for what is true, is only you,
lost are those. living in past or future,
for neither exist, if it's not You.

Thank you MOTHER EARTH,
For your selfless love,
Through the flowers,
the wind, the oceans, the sky,
but I fear my growing selfishness,
each day is making you die.

Thank you dear EMOTIONS,
To me life without you,
Is romance without love,
is rainbow without colors,
is food without taste,
and a journey to waste.

Thank you beloved GOD,
Through You I have come to know me,
Beyond this time and space,
I will meet you to be set free,
I do not die, ¬ cause I am not born
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On my Way
It was a rainy day
And I was on my way
All alone in my boat
No one with me to give support
the sea was calm and quiet
as far as my sight
the moon was playing hide
and seek with the clouds
and their voice wasn't too loud
Wind was blowing in her steady way
Same as my boat, after a long day
It was a nice experience
I tell you
Loneliness is one's best friend
That I never knew
no one with me
just me and only me
as far as I can see
an endless sea.
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I Love You
Though your mirror never replies
You ask it all day
Do I look beautiful today
I wished you knew the answer,
But you never looked deeper in my eyes.

In your eyes I see sunshine,
An evening rests on your lips,
though I miss those love bites on my chest,
 I find your smell, still living in my arms
.
Tonight, when I hold you
Hold me back
Tonight, when I die to live,
Kiss me back
because I am still in Love with you
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main fakeera
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Ae Jannat -e- nark ke thekedaaron,
tu khud khoya, dusron pe pehra deta kya hai.

jo paaya aarti mein mohammad aur azan mein raam,
to ism mera kusur kya hai..

ho jo diwaali ki sewayian aur eid mein patakhe,
holi mein daawat aur bakreed -e- rang,
to isme tujhe aeitraj kya hai



maine kal bhaja krishna krishna
aaj alapoon khud khuda
fakeere ki bas do rotiyan
na pucho dharam na pucho majhab mera

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